I wake in the morning with the same familiar panic in my heart. It tugs in my chest, a feeling of dread, stress, and anxiety of the day looming. But instead of conceding to the overwhelming emotions as I’ve done for the past few months, I face them head on.
It’s early, and I am the only one awake. The sun has just started to kiss the horizon and I’ll I can see when I step on the back porch is silhouettes. But I can feel it – the pure bliss of the quiet morning. The sticky somewhat cooler air hugs my body, the birds are singing happily, the sprinklers on the golf course start to roar, and I feel the peace of the day that has yet to start.
I breathe in the stillness, let the calm overtake my body, stretch my tired muscles, and begin to meditate. When was the last time you truly listened to your body? Checked in on it, asked yourself where your pain is, and just breathed in the light to those places. It feels like an extravagance, this time to be alone and still, but really it is a gift.
As I breathe deeply into my belly I feel the panic that was drumming in my heart start to fade, slowly into a whisper. I feel my achy shoulder that was pounding relax completely, and being to feel centered for the day. I set my intention, asking the Universe for what I need for this day. Giving thanks for my breath, this time alone, and my incredible family that fills me with joy.
It only lasts a few minutes until I hear the familiar pitter-patter of the footsteps come toddling towards me. Up earlier than normal, she comes through the door and leans against me. “What are you doing mama?” she asks. “Listening to the world,” I tell her. “Listening to my voice, and finding what I need for the day.”
She’s only seven, but she already loves listening to the meditations on my phone. Sometimes they help her sleep, or sometimes they help her when she is afraid of the dark. So she asks if she can listen to one more with me. So we do.
Afterwards we start our morning, the every day sounds of spoons clanging the breakfast bowls, chatter about spelling tests, and the crisp zip of the backpack ready to carry her through her day. Though we are a few minutes behind it all feels less overwhelming. There is no yelling on this morning, even though the oldest protests the outfit she can’t wear. There is calm sternness, there is respect for each other, and there is peace.
It’s hard to find time to make space for our needs. As parents we feel the weight of our bills, work, and the enormous responsibility of caring for our children. But if we can just find a place and time to embrace the stillness, we will always find what we need. And learn that the light and love was always there, just waiting for us to discover it.
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